A “Husband Shopping Center” has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store has five floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch:  As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last husband, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 – You are visitor number 123,974,389 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at HusbandMart and have a nice day.

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

When they learn that Jesus fed 5000 people with two fish, folks ask whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

Baptism is referred to as "branding".

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

"Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear?"

Whether we live in the Mountains, the Bayou, a River Town, Farm Country, Backwoods, on the County Line, Urbania, Suburbia or even Trump Tower, there's a little bit of Redneck in all of us. No hard feelings, y'all.   Sasha

A redneck died and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow.
However, she can't touch it until she turns 14.

Down home, folks now go to some movies in groups of 18 or more.
They were told 17 and under are not admitted.

The minimum drinking age down home has been raised to 32.
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

Down home, reruns of "Hee Haw" are called documentaries.

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There's tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

Down home, we've got a new $3,000,000 State Lottery.
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

Recently, the Governor's Mansion burned down.
In fact, it took out the whole trailer park.

The best thing to ever come out of my hometown is Interstate 40.

A State Trooper stopped a pickup truck.
He asked the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver said, "Boutwhat?"