No, I'm not trying to be hip or cool or whatever the word is I'm looking for.  I'm talking about maneuvering one of those barking, fuzzy things.

My wife and I have owned dogs most of our 30 year marriage.  In fact I gave her an 8 week old German Sheppard puppy as a wedding gift.  Missy was a sweetheart, but puppies have this thing about papers, socks and water dishes.  She was later trained and worked with me in the Security Patrol business I owned.  On a few occasions she alerted me to dangers that had she not been there, I'm sure the outcome would have been quiet different. She was our baby.  I still miss her.

After my wife retired and we no longer had a dog.  She got bored and wanted a companion around during the day while I either slept or was at work. So I told her, "If you can find a Beagle, we'll get it."

One Sunday we were out for a drive just to get out of the house, and I, not really paying attention as to where I was, drove by the road going into the Humane Society.  My wife had not spoken more than 8 -10 words the whole time we were out, but when we passed that road, someone put a high speed Myna Bird in the right seat. "You lied to me," "You're not even going to try and see if they might have a Beagle," "You really don't want me to have another dog do you." 

Two places I did not want to be right then was where I was and where I was going.  At home she had a clear shot, but driving I had the advantage.  So weighing the alternatives, I knew there was only one course of action I could take. Here I was, on one of the busiest roads in the county, 55 MPH, two lanes.  Not quiet bumper to bumper traffic, as we were not the only ones out for a Sunday drive and I had to "Turn this rig around."

After performing my "Death Defying Act," we headed back to the Humane Society.  The bird was quiet.  I pulled up out front, rolled down my windows to get a breeze, because I knew she was going to pet and hug and talk to every dog in there so I knew this was going to take a while, and sent her in.  But Surprise of Surprises, she was back in about 20 minutes and I was thinking (read "hoping") they didn't have all that many dogs to adopt so we're going home.  But horror of horrors they did, and one was a Beagle.  My life flashed before my eyes, I knew I was doomed.

Now if you're an ole country boy like me you know what a Beagle is.  But for you other folks let me explain.  A Beagle is a hound, a hunter, a tracker.  They have a better olfactory than a blood hound.  Their hunter instinct is such that they will dig out or go into the burrow of an animal and bring it out.  They are not used as much for "human tracking" like we see on TV because they are easily distracted by other, stronger scents.  They must hunt with other dogs or a handler because if left to themselves, they will not come home they will track forever and get lost.  Yep here it was,  a nose, with four on the floor.

Now as I started out, it is a unique experience to walk a Beagle.  As I said it's a hunter, it's a tracker, it tracks and hunts and runs down its prey.  Yes sir, we're talking about 60 pounds of rock hard muscle with four wheel drive.  When that head lowers and that nose hits the ground, you are in for an experience that is attuned to hanging onto the crash bar of a runaway roller coaster.  Don't try to out run it because it has a set of breaks that does... arms, elbows, shoulders just to name a few. It can go down the road at 40 MPH, never miss a smell and stop dead bang.  It can turn, literally on a dime, and go a completely different direction and never slow down.  This creature being a maximum of 15 inches tall, can and will, run under bushes, through split rail and barbed wire fences and across some of the most disgusting terrain witnessed by man, stop, make it's contribution to the mess and continue on a top speed.  There is no deceleration or acceleration it's - get - go - and gone.

Normally these "precious little darlings" sleep outside under the porch but when you live in a city on a slab, they come inside.  Now I said it was a maximum of 15 inches tall until it gets in your bed and  then the legs grow to solid twelve foot nine. They can curl up in a ball the size of a hat box but stretch out and totally inhabit a King Size bed.

Yeah charming little creatures but can look at you like you're a total idiot and sometimes I wonder who the dumb animal really is.  Other times I know,  ... and they all own Beagles.